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#361 (permalink)      5/21/2016 5:31:47 AM US Central   quote/reply + tips
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fujiibear
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The Curse Of Silence

Once upon a time there was a Prince who, through no fault of his own was cast under a spell by an evil witch.

The curse was that the Prince could speak only one word each year.
However, he could save up the words so that if he did not speak for a whole year,
then the following year he was allowed to speak two words.
(This was before the time of letter writing or sign language.)

One day he met a beautiful princess (ruby lips, golden hair, sapphire eyes,) and fell madly in love.
With the greatest difficulty he decided to refrain from speaking for two whole years so that he could look at her and say
"my darling".
But at the end of the two years he wished to tell her that he loved her.

Because of this he waited three more years without speaking (bringing the total number of silent years to 5).

But at the end of these five years he realized that he had to ask her to marry him.

So he waited ANOTHER four years without speaking.

Finally as the ninth year of silence ended, his joy knew no bounds.
Leading the lovely princess to the most secluded and romantic place in that beautiful royal garden the prince heaped a hundred red roses on her lap, knelt before her, and taking her hand in his, said huskily,

"My darling, I love you! Will you marry me?"

And the princess tucked a strand of golden hair behind a dainty ear, opened her sapphire eyes in wonder,

and parting her ruby lips, said:








"Pardon?"
P.R Machine out in force #Release The Real Photo. 'All Advertising Is Good Advertising'
#362 (permalink)      5/21/2016 4:09:30 PM US Central   quote/reply + tips
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Andre_Here
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A police officer was patrolling the highway when he sees a guy tied up to a tree, crying. The officer stops and approaches the guy. "What's going on here?", he asks.

The guy sobs, "I was driving and picked up a hitchhiker. He pulled a gun on me, robbed me, took all my money, my clothes, my car and then tied me up."

The cop studied the guy for a moment, and then pulled down his pants and whipped out his dick. "I guess this isn't your lucky day, pal!"
So poor that I'm using paperclips for coils, strips of cotton jeans for wicks and coupons: MAP, BLF, DEALS & Event Discounts! But, I'm feeling much better now! LOL + No one should have 0 Kudos
#363 (permalink)      5/22/2016 3:06:03 AM US Central   quote/reply + tips
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waldog
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Just a bit racist

"No, you're never too old to Rock'n'Roll if you're too young to die." I.A./J.T.
#364 (permalink)      5/22/2016 4:46:23 AM US Central   quote/reply + tips
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DaddyDead
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waldog wrote:

Just a bit racist


Yes ... Not all Asians are in to Marital Arts










Quis custodiet ipsos custodes - Quod erat demonstrandum
#365 (permalink)      5/22/2016 3:29:09 PM US Central   quote/reply + tips
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Moosgummi
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Edit: I felt left out ;-)

Edited on 5/22/2016 at 3:29 PM. Reason:
“You see, science has overcome time and space. Well, Harvey has overcome not only time and space, but any objections.” Elwood P. Dowd
#366 (permalink)      5/22/2016 4:13:15 PM US Central   quote/reply + tips
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DaddyDead
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Moosgummi wrote:

Edit: I felt left out ;-)


Sorry Old Chap ... I did not mean to miss anyone ... But it is a long list after all

Maybe this covers it better

Quis custodiet ipsos custodes - Quod erat demonstrandum
#367 (permalink)      5/25/2016 12:47:57 PM US Central   quote/reply + tips
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Andre_Here
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Why did I get divorced?

Well, last week was my birthday. My wife didn't wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my colleagues didn't wish me a happy birthday. As I entered my office, my secretary said, "Happy birthday, boss!" I felt so special. She asked me out for lunch. After lunch, she invited me to her apartment.

We went there and she said, "Do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute?" "Okay," I said. She came out 5 minutes later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends, & my colleagues all yelling, "SURPRISE!!!" while I was waiting on the sofa... naked.
So poor that I'm using paperclips for coils, strips of cotton jeans for wicks and coupons: MAP, BLF, DEALS & Event Discounts! But, I'm feeling much better now! LOL + No one should have 0 Kudos
#368 (permalink)      5/26/2016 3:10:49 AM US Central   quote/reply + tips
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Beenari
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Looking the SKU of a new Sigelei...

Three Chinese guy moved to live in America. Let's call them by the names Chu, Hu and Fu.
After several years of enjoying their lives in America they decided that maybe they can enjoy more if they change their Chinese names to American names...

Chu became a Chuck.
Hu became a Huck.
And Fu decided to move back to China.
There are only 10 kind of people. Those who understands binary and those who don't.
#369 (permalink)      5/26/2016 1:13:54 PM US Central   quote/reply + tips
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Andre_Here
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When I was a kid, my dad sat me down and showed me pictures of why I should always wear a condom.
Funny thing is, they were all just pictures of me.

--------------------------

A man buys a lie detector robot that slaps people who lie. So he decides to try it out at dinner.

DAD: "Son, where were you today during school?"
SON: "At school"
*robot slaps son*

SON: "Ok, I went to the movies."
DAD: "Which one?"
SON: "Toy Story"
*robot slaps son again*

SON: "Ok, it was A Day with a Porn Star."
DAD: "WHAT?! When I was your age, I didn't even know what porn was."
*Robot slaps dad*

MOM: "HAHA!! After all he is your son,"
*Robot slaps mom*

Edited on 5/26/2016 at 1:16 PM. Reason:
So poor that I'm using paperclips for coils, strips of cotton jeans for wicks and coupons: MAP, BLF, DEALS & Event Discounts! But, I'm feeling much better now! LOL + No one should have 0 Kudos
#370 (permalink)      5/26/2016 2:58:17 PM US Central   quote/reply + tips
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Mr_Reman
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The girlfriend just had a go at me for how I dress. She says my clothes make me look "Too middle age".

To be honest, I don't give a fuck what she thinks. I like wearing my suit of armor.
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#371 (permalink)      5/26/2016 3:09:45 PM US Central   quote/reply + tips
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Mr_Reman
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The Woman in front of me in the supermarket cue was unloading her basket onto the conveyor. She had a single apple, One banana, a half pint bottle of milk, One yogurt and a small tin of soup, So I said to her "I bet you're single.".

She answered "Wow, how did you know?"......... So I told her "Because you're fuckin' ugly." :)
UK